I think that being a mom is one heck of a superpower but with great power comes great GUILT.
Must it always be SOMEONE'S fault? and even worse is it easiest to immediately target ourselves? See, accountability is something that I appreciate but not when it's at the cost of one person's feelings and especially not when that person is oneself.
If you ask me, a lot of our parenting skills develop from watching our parents and we do come from very patriarchal times.
Our great grandmothers and their moms came from even tougher times for women. I say that to say, that those times where women couldn't do much besides birth children, raise children, cook and clean, did create what I like to call the 'guilt syndrome' in us moms even today. For the simple fact that raising children was one of the limited gifts that our ancestors had, whenever, something went wrong at home who else’s fault could it be but the mother.
Now take this and pass it along, generation to generation. I am not saying that our mother’s consciously engraved this in our brains but here is the tricky part of being human , we a have a subconscious and actions that derive from that subconscious that we don’t always have control over and at times our kids or loved ones who are closest to us tend to pick up on that. This is my theory for a lot of things parenting. Though we each try to pave our own way with our new rules, we seem to possess some of the qualities passed down to us.
A few weeks ago, my son, Jayden broke his arm. (Heartbreaks as I type this…) He was riding his scooter and had a bad fall. This was something that happened so fast and so suddenly, there was really nothing I could have done but yet I sat through the entire car ride to the emergency blaming myself over and over. ‘Why didn’t I catch him?’, ‘Why did I let him ride the scooter?’, 'Why did we even leave the house?’ 'why, why , why', all I did in my head the entire time was find ways to put the blame of it all on myself.
It could also be one of the many levels of anxiety that come from being a parent , where we feel the need to be responsible for every occurrence, regardless how out of our hands it may be. To be honest, I don’t think it is something that I will stop doing soon or perhaps ever, but, the point is to try to be more conscious of how quickly we put ourselves down for moments out of our control. I urge mommies everywhere practice this, remind yourself of the good you can bring to a bad situation as opposed to trying to blame yourself for that bad moment. I think that in the end it is one more way we can teach both ourselves and our kids how to make good of a bad experience.
GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT & STOP FEELING SO GUILTY!