If you were able to interview a mom, any mom, What type of questions would you ask? I have curated this Interview-like blog post from actual questions via my beloved insta-fam. Keep reading to see what this mommy had to say.
1. How do you balance it all? Being a mom, working full time, blogging, etc. ?
This is by far, the question I get asked the most as a parent. To be honest, I would be lying if I said I balanced it all perfectly. The scales of my life are never perfectly balanced and I have embraced that this is just part of the journey; finding that balance. I use to think that I needed to wait to have it all balanced before going for what I wanted, but that's terrible advice. I now STRONGLY believe that we make time for what we want to make time for. Blogging was just something that I wanted to do for so long. It genuinely makes me feel good to help another person and it gives all of the worst moments of my life a purpose. If anything, the impurities in my life simply make my story better.
While I am blessed to have the support of my partner/son's father, it's not to say that a single mom wouldn't be able to do the same or better. In the end, it just comes down to mindset. Where there is a will there is a way, you just have to be willing to pave that way for yourself. Something I find extremely useful is my planner. While it may feel a bit bumptious to say, 'let me check my calendar', the right people will understand that there are no ill intentions. It's simply taking accountability for doing the things you set out to do while making sure one thing doesn't overlap the next. You can set reminders on your phone, use a cute planner, use a cool app, whatever it is, just get accustomed to using it. These are simple organization tactics that we already use at our 9-5's to help organize and fulfill someone else's dreams so it shouldn't be any different when it comes to our own.
2. Have you ever felt like a bad mom at times or like you aren't doing good enough? If so, how do you get passed these moments?
Of course, I think we all get these moments. I wrote about this on Mommy Diaries before, it's the case of the mommy guilt. Getting passed the mommy guilt is easier said than done. I don't know if the guilt is something that will ever leave because a large portion of it stems from our tremendous love for our little ones. However, I am more conscious of that guilt nowadays. I constantly remind myself that I am human and I may not always make the best decisions but the only types of decisions I allow are: great decisions and lessons; in other words, there are no bad ones. Since I decided to take up blogging, the guilt tends to kick in most when it involves putting me and my blog first. This is one of the many reasons I preach the importance of putting yourself first, even I need a reminder now and then. As Beyonce stated in her song ‘BIGGER’, “I am not just preaching, I am taking my own advice.”
3. What is one life lesson you want to instill in your child(ren)?
There are so many ! I have to say two because I believe they are somehow intertwined. Self-appreciation & Mental stability; these two mean so much to me today because I've had to learn them later in life on my own, being that mental awareness wasn't much of a thing while we were growing up. If I can ingrain these in his mind at an early age, I have faith that he will be able to master anything else that adulthood will throw his way. With these lessons, he will have a clearer sense of choosing the right career and even the right life partner someday. I want him to have a strong enough mindset, so that in the future when he is married he can be the man his wife will need him to be when she may or may not struggle with the mommy guilt of putting herself first. I am also glad that his dad is a great symbolic figure in that aspect.
4. How has your relationship with your parents changed since having kids?
I haven't always had a seamless relationship with my parents, but I guess no relationship is perfect, right!?. As a child we put our parents on this pedestal, for me, I always imagined what that bond would be and because it never turned out that way, there were a lot of disappointments growing up. Even after having my son, I found myself holding on to a lot of resentment instead of appreciating what was. It has been quite the journey for me and being a parent has made the difference. It allowed me to catch some of my own BS. If I am able to forgive myself for my own mistakes as a parent why shouldn't I be as forgiving to them? After all, THEY ARE HUMAN too. No relationship is perfect and I may not agree with all their ideas and advice at times but I am accepting that it is simply a way of life.
5. What was your first thought when you found out you were pregnant?
'JD$H$^&*JU@^SG ! ' (translation: Speechless)
I think that besides the roller coaster of emotions, my initial thought was, 'How am I going to explain this to my mom?', I was only 16 when I found out I was pregnant. It is such a complex age and a pregnancy on top of it all felt extremely overwhelming. Yet all that pressure did was create a diamond in the end. I am nowhere near perfect but the way I see it all my imperfections are the best parts about me today. They keep me grounded, humble and grateful for all the good
6. How long after birth did you feel like yourself?
Honestly, I feel like it came in stages. I didn't wake up one day and immediately feel better about myself. I also had my son at such an early age that I can't honestly say I knew who I was before then. As cliche as it may sound, the real me and best version of me, I owe to my son. It is because of him that I learned and continue to learn how to appreciate all that I am.
7. Would you do it again?
I wouldn't change a thing! For several years I always questioned god's motives: "Why me, why this, why now?", But God knew what his plan was all along. My son was the cure I needed way before I even knew I needed healing. So if I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a single thing.